Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? A Reflection on Singleness & Modern Love

Photo by Turgay Koca

A reflection inspired by Chante Joseph’s British Vogue essay

On October 29, while browsing TikTok, I kept seeing a common theme: women celebrating being single. Not defensively, or as if it's all they have, but in a confident, self-assured way, showing they realize this is enough.

Alongside that content, there were think pieces responding to a viral British Vogue article by Chante Joseph titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” The title alone made me stop scrolling. Curious, I saved it for later. I read the article, and it lingered in my mind.

In her TikTok post, Ashanti discussed how relationship content feels different nowadays. There was a time when sharing about your boyfriend was almost seen as a sign of desirability, stability, or success. Today, it might feel awkward, even uncomfortable. It's not that love is shameful; it's that many people are still grappling with loneliness, disappointment, and exhaustion from modern dating.

When relationships are scarce, delicate, or publicly complicated, observing them online can evoke longing, comparisons, or silent sorrow. Often, it’s not jealousy but the yearning for something genuine and tender in a dating scene that usually seems anything but.

And honestly, relationships can sometimes become embarrassing. It's not that love is shameful, but poor behavior by someone can reflect poorly on you. Social media amplifies this effect. A single mistake or public slip-up can make the relationship feel exposed, no longer private or discreet.

What struck me most about Joseph’s article is the extent of our progress and how odd this change seems. In my early college years, not having a boyfriend felt like a personal failure, as if something were wrong with me for being single. I recall making efforts to forge connections and forcing myself into relationships that didn’t feel natural, simply because I was uncomfortable being alone.

But I never desired desperation; I sought compatibility and something genuine.

The narrative is evolving. Instead of identifying ourselves by whom we’re dating, we’re encouraged to define ourselves by our values, dreams, and identity. In this shift, having a boyfriend no longer serves as a badge of honor; it becomes a neutral choice, optional and to be considered carefully, rather than something to pursue obsessively.

I continue to believe in love and consider myself a romantic. I remain intentional about dating, exploring, and building partnerships. However, I now view dating as a marathon rather than a sprint, something that develops gradually and purposefully. Eventually, I hope to meet someone who naturally fits into my life without shrinking it.

Until then, I want to enjoy my singleness fully.

Being single has taught me to love and care for myself, and to pursue my goals without compromise. There's a sense of freedom in not needing to consider another person’s needs first, not out of selfishness, but as a way of discovering who I am.

I’ve observed many women losing themselves in relationships, dimming their dreams, reducing their happiness, and compromising until they no longer recognize themselves. That concerns me. I refuse to fade into someone else’s expectations. I’m not a traditional woman and don’t wish to be shaped into one.

My takeaway from “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” isn’t that love is outdated; it’s that the sense of urgency is. We don’t have to rush into a relationship to feel worthy. Singleness isn’t just a waiting period; it’s a complete life.

Releasing the pressure to have a boyfriend doesn’t equate to abandoning love. Instead, it means prioritizing yourself, safeguarding your freedom, respecting your growth, and trusting that when love arrives, it won’t demand that you lose your identity to maintain it.

“Where being single was once a cautionary tale (you’ll end up a ‘spinster’ with loads of cats), it is now becoming a desirable and coveted status—another nail in the coffin of a centuries-old heterosexual fairytale that never really benefited women to begin with.”
— Chante Joseph

Always dreaming,
Deja